The Great Pet Debate: NOT BROADCAST<\/p>\n
The Great Pet Debate<\/strong><\/p>\n A breakfast table at Beatitudes Campus. <\/em><\/p>\n DIANE, ANN, SANDY, ELLIE ANDERLA, ELLIE PARSONS, and ROBERT sit with coffee and toast.<\/em><\/p>\n DIANE:<\/strong> Did you see that article in the newsletter about therapy animals? Made me miss having a pet.<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> Dogs. Nothing beats a dog. Loyal, loving, always happy to see you. My retriever used to wait by the door every single day. Rain or shine, there he was, tail wagging like crazy.<\/p>\n SANDY:<\/strong> Oh, Ann, dogs are too much work! All that walking in this Phoenix heat? Give me a cat any day. They\u2019re independent, clean themselves, and they purr. Very therapeutic. I read somewhere that a cat\u2019s purr can actually lower your blood pressure.<\/p>\n ELLIE PARSONS:<\/strong> Cats are aloof! My daughter has three and they ignore everyone. Now parakeets and parrots\u2014those are companions. They talk to you, sing, whistle. My parakeet knew fifty phrases. He\u2019d say \u201cgood morning\u201d before I even opened his cage.<\/p>\n ELLIE ANDERLA:<\/strong> Birds are messy! Seeds everywhere, feathers flying around. I had an iguana once. Fascinating creatures. Just sits there, zen-like, basking under a heat lamp. And snakes\u2014people don\u2019t appreciate snakes. Quiet, don\u2019t need daily feeding, no barking at 3 AM.<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> A snake? Ellie, that\u2019s not a pet, that\u2019s a\u2026 decoration that occasionally eats mice.<\/p>\n ELLIE ANDERLA:<\/strong> Better than picking up dog waste in plastic bags! And more interesting than watching paint dry, which is what I imagine cat-watching is like.<\/p>\n SANDY:<\/strong> Excuse me! Cats have personalities. They play, they hunt\u2014well, they pretend to hunt\u2014and they choose to be with you. That\u2019s more meaningful than a dog who loves anyone with food.<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> Low blow, Sandy! Dogs are discerning. They just happen to be optimists.<\/p>\n ROBERT:<\/strong> You\u2019re all wrong. Fish. Absolutely fish. Beautiful, calming, no noise, no mess outside the tank. I had a saltwater aquarium\u2014better than television. Clownfish, tangs, those little cleaner shrimp. Cost me a fortune but worth every penny.<\/p>\n SANDY:<\/strong> Robert, you can\u2019t pet a fish. What\u2019s the point of a pet you can\u2019t touch?<\/p>\n ROBERT:<\/strong> The point is you don\u2019t come home covered in dog hair, and you don\u2019t find cat vomit on your carpet at midnight. Plus, watching fish swim lowers stress. It\u2019s scientifically proven.<\/p>\n DIANE:<\/strong> I loved my rabbit. Soft, gentle, could hop around the apartment. You could litter-train them, you know. Very smart. And tortoises! My neighbor had a tortoise that lived to be eighty. Talk about a lifelong companion. Outlived two husbands, that tortoise did.<\/p>\n ELLIE PARSONS:<\/strong> (laughing)<\/em> Diane! Did it do anything besides eat lettuce and move slowly?<\/p>\n DIANE:<\/strong> That\u2019s the beauty of it! Low stress. Turtles too\u2014they\u2019re lovely. Watching them swim is meditative. I had a red-eared slider that would stick his head out and beg for food. Adorable.<\/p>\n ELLIE ANDERLA:<\/strong> See? Diane gets it. Reptiles are underrated. My iguana would change colors slightly depending on his mood. Try getting that kind of feedback from a hamster.<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> But can any of these animals fetch? Can they protect your home? Dogs are part of the family. They sense when you\u2019re sad. My retriever knew when my husband passed. He stayed right by my side for weeks.<\/p>\n SANDY:<\/strong> (softening)<\/em> So do cats! Mine always knew when I was upset. She\u2019d curl up in my lap and just stay there, purring. And you could leave her for a weekend with just extra food and water. Try that with a dog.<\/p>\n ELLIE ANDERLA:<\/strong> Exactly my point about reptiles! My iguana could go days without attention. Perfect for busy people. Though I\u2019ll admit, when I was in the hospital for that knee surgery, I did worry about him a little.<\/p>\n ELLIE PARSONS:<\/strong> But did your iguana ever greet you with joy? My parrots got excited when I came home. They\u2019re incredibly smart\u2014African Greys have the intelligence of a five-year-old. Mine could solve puzzles, recognize colors, even understood some context.<\/p>\n ROBERT:<\/strong> And the lifespan of a small human! What happens when you\u2019re ninety and your parrot\u2019s only forty?<\/p>\n ELLIE PARSONS:<\/strong> That\u2019s planning ahead, Robert. I put mine in my will. She went to my niece.<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> Wait, you put a bird in your will?<\/p>\n ELLIE PARSONS:<\/strong> A twenty-thousand-dollar bird, Ann. That\u2019s more valuable than some people\u2019s cars.<\/p>\n DIANE:<\/strong> Speaking of small, what about hamsters and gerbils? Perfect for grandkids to visit. Cute, furry, entertaining little wheels. My grandson loved watching them stuff their cheeks. Used to call it \u201chamster magic.\u201d<\/p>\n SANDY:<\/strong> And escape artists! My grandson\u2019s hamster disappeared into the walls for three days. We could hear it scratching around at night. Nearly called an exorcist.<\/p>\n ELLIE ANDERLA:<\/strong> (chuckling)<\/em> At least it\u2019s not a ferret. Those things smell like old gym socks, even when they\u2019re clean.<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> Hey now, ferrets are playful, curious, like a cat and dog combined. My nephew had one. That thing would steal socks and hide them in a pile under the couch. Hilarious.<\/p>\n DIANE:<\/strong> They\u2019re also illegal in California. Found that out when my granddaughter wanted one. Something about them being an ecological threat if they escape.<\/p>\n ROBERT:<\/strong> A ferret? An ecological threat? What\u2019s it going to do, steal California\u2019s socks?<\/p>\n ELLIE PARSONS:<\/strong> (laughing)<\/em> This is silly. We each want what we know. I say birds are best because they filled my house with music. Every morning was a symphony.<\/p>\n ROBERT:<\/strong> And I say fish because I spent hours just watching them glide through the water. Very peaceful. My blood pressure was never better than when I had that tank.<\/p>\n SANDY:<\/strong> Cats are perfect because they\u2019re affectionate when they want to be and independent when you need space. It\u2019s a relationship of equals.<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> Dogs are loyal. Period. Man\u2019s best friend for thousands of years for a reason. They\u2019ve evolved alongside us. That means something.<\/p>\n ELLIE ANDERLA:<\/strong> Reptiles are low-maintenance and exotic. Plus, you never hear about snake allergies. And iguanas are practically vegetarian\u2014easier to feed than carnivores.<\/p>\n DIANE:<\/strong> And the quiet pets\u2014rabbits, turtles, tortoises\u2014they\u2019re gentle souls. Good for meditation. No drama, no demands, just peaceful companionship.<\/p>\n ROBERT:<\/strong> So we\u2019re all right?<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> Apparently.<\/p>\n ELLIE PARSONS:<\/strong> Maybe the real question isn\u2019t which pet is better, but which one fit our lives at the time. I needed the interaction when I lived alone. Robert needed the calm.<\/p>\n SANDY:<\/strong> Look at us, arguing about pets we don\u2019t even have anymore! We sound like we\u2019re debating politics.<\/p>\n ELLIE ANDERLA:<\/strong> Safer topic than politics, though.<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> True enough.<\/p>\n DIANE:<\/strong> Well, they do allow small pets here. Cats under twenty pounds, birds, fish, small caged animals\u2026<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> Really?<\/p>\n ROBERT:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been thinking about getting a small tank for my room.<\/p>\n DIANE:<\/strong> Oh no, Ann, don\u2019t get ideas. Remember what happened with your daughter\u2019s dog last Christmas?<\/p>\n ANN:<\/strong> (grins)<\/em> He liked me better than her. That\u2019s not my fault. Dogs know quality people.<\/p>\n ELLIE PARSONS:<\/strong> Maybe we should propose a pet visiting program instead. Best of both worlds. All the joy, none of the vet bills.<\/p>\n ELLIE ANDERLA:<\/strong> Now there\u2019s a compromise. Therapy dogs, maybe some rabbits for the garden area\u2026<\/p>\n ROBERT:<\/strong> Educational fish tanks in the common areas!<\/p>\n SANDY:<\/strong> As long as someone else cleans them.<\/p>\n ALL:<\/strong> Hear, hear!<\/p>\n (They raise their coffee cups in agreement.)<\/em><\/p>\n END<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Great Pet Debate: NOT BROADCAST The Great Pet Debate A breakfast table at Beatitudes Campus. DIANE, ANN, SANDY, ELLIE ANDERLA, ELLIE PARSONS, and ROBERT sit with coffee and toast. DIANE: Did you see that article in the newsletter about therapy animals? Made me miss having a pet. ANN: Dogs. 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